Still here...

Looks like Jesus Christ is either late, or won't be showing up this year.

I wonder who's fault it was that Jesus stood us up. George W. Bush (because everything is his fault) or Barack Hussein Obama (because Jesus decided one Messiah walking the Earth at any given time is enough)?

Or maybe Jesus follows the Mayan calendar? He DID visit Central and South American after all!

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Minister's followers wait in vain for world's end

This may be jumping the gun, but it's looking more and more likely that Jesus Christ WON'T be honoring us with a visit today. (Although there was just a volcanic eruption in Iceland, and there was an earthquake in New Zealand... and the Rapture WAS scheduled for 6pm (probably Pacific Time, but I'm not sure on that one).

It could also be that Christ was taking I-5 through Seattle on his way to Harold Camping's place... which means He'd be late for his own resurrection.

Unless, He already came and went, "like a thief in the night, and took the only Rapture-worthy people with him...

Minister's followers wait in vain for world's end : "Neither radio employees nor radio minister Harold Camping were in evidence Saturday morning in the station parking lot on Hegenberger Road near the Oakland Airport."

As for me, I'm heading out to climb a radio broadcast tower in Seattle, wearing an orange hard-hat with a battery on top and strobe lights mounted on either side. I want to make sure the angles spot me in case they come swooping down at 6pm (or by Midnight, in case they were stuck in traffic with Jesus)!

If you see no further posts, you know what happened! (Or maybe I'm just in jail....)

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I hope you're wearing clean underwear

Did your Mom ever tell you to put on clean underwear every day, because you might be in an accident and it would be embarrassing if everyone at the hospital knew you didn't put on fresh undies that morning?

Well, if you didn't change your shorts this morning, you're going to be REALLY embarrassed when Jesus Christ comes a'callin!

What the Second Coming of Jesus Might Look Like
(with apologies to Andrew Green of Who Wants Taters???)

Harold Camping, the leader of an independent Christian ministry called Family Radio Worldwide, has predicted that today is the day that Jesus Christ is coming back to judge us all... and presumably Rapture all the good Christians among us.

If I don't update this blog tomorrow, you know what happened!

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Coming up: The End of the World

It's been predicted that some time between 12:00:01 and 23:59:59 on May 21, 2011, Jesus Christ will return. While all the Good People will be Raptured at that point, the rest of us have until October 21 before we will burn in Hell, once and for all time.

I guess all of you out there who put your faith in the Wise Ancients and the 2012 date are going to be feeling pretty silly some time tomorrow, huh?

To mark the upcoming Event, here's Julia Nunes covering REM's "It's the End of the World of the World as We Know It."



(I'm not sure what time zone the End of the World will start in, but I suppose they'll let us know when the time comes.)

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REPENT! (Ya only gots 30 days left!!)

For four months, I drove by this billboard every morning.

The date for Judgement Day was determined by Harold Camping, the leader of an independent Christian ministry called Family Radio Worldwide, which is based in Oakland, Calif. Camping's date is based on his interpretation of the bible. You can read more about it in this article at Huffington Post, assuming you're not boycotting them for not paying writers who agreed to write for free in the first place.

I'm pleased to know that at least we will have have one more Everybody Draw Mohammed Day, before Christ institutes a REAL One World Government/New Order and we're all either sent to Heaven or Hell.

But why May 21? Why not April 21? Luke 4:21 is such a great passage to quote out of context to say Jesus told us so! ("Today this scripture is fulfilled.")

Well, I can't answer that, but you can read all kinds of stuff and Bible quotes at wecanknow.com. If you're convinced, you can change your wicked ways and cleanse your body and spirit so you can worthy in the eyes of Jesus Christ. (I'm looking at you Osama bin Laden. And you, too, Lady Gaga.)

And while you're getting all righteous and pure, you might consider giving away your earthly goods to your buddy Steve. You won't be needing them where you're going... and I'm going to need something to get by on for the five months between May 21 and October 21... because, according to Camping, the world is going to end completely on October 21, 2011!

Send me your earthly goods by buying me stuff off my Amazon.com wishlist, or by putting money into my Paypal account. I'm even making it easy for you... just click the handy "Donate" button!

C'mon! Judgement Day's at hand! What do you have to lose (aside from a seat on the 5:21 Express to Heaven)?

On the other hand, you might want to consider the fact that Harold Camping has previously predicted that the world was going to end on September 6, 1994. But that turned out to be a math error. And given that the Wise Ancients (who were far smarter than anyone alive today) predicted the world is going to end in 2012, he may be wrong again.

But you can still send me money, just in case! (Plus, it's my birthday next month!)

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What exactly were they predicting?

By now, everyone reading this surely knows that the Mayans, Merlin, and my personal fortune-teller Psychic Bob, have predicted the end of the world in 2012. But none of them have been able to get the exact date.

Is it 12/12/12? Is it 12/24/12? Maybe 6/6/12? Perhaps it's 8/4/12 or 4/8/12?

Maybe the Mayans and other Wise Ancients (and modern possessors of Sight Beyond Sight and/or a large assortment of mind-altering substances) weren't predicting the end of the world, but rather then end of the Democrats?

Maybe Doomsday is 11/6/2012, the end of the Obama Presidency and the end of the modern Democrat party, with votes being cast in favor Democrat candidates during the election being between 20% and 12% of the total, depending on the state?

Or maybe this is the answer....

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