The Adventures of Captain Jack

I am depressed at being an American today, because it seems we have retards in charge of our nation.

With our co-called leaders in Washington doing their level best to obliterate what's left of the American economy and our financial dealings with the rest of the world, I felt the need to postr some upbeat songs with equally bright and upbeat videos.

There are some of the best songs and videos from the great Captain Jack, one of the 1990s premiere Euro-pop performers. I've arranged them so the videos tell a little story (well, in my mind anyway), but if you only watch one of them, check out the "Iko-Iko" cover.

(Captain Jack could probably do a better job at leading this country than any of the chuckle-heads and empty suits currently wasting oxygen in Washington, D.C.)

Help us, Captain Jack. You're our only hope!

moreless

'Almost Hollywood' is almost funny

Almost Hollywood (1994)
Starring: Don Shot, Greg Scott, Rachel Dyer, India Allen, and Scott Apel
Director: Mike Weaver
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Tony (Shot), a sleazy producer of direct-to-video "erotic thrillers", finds himself under increasing pressure when an angry starlet (Dyer) reveals their affair to his wife, and the owners of his studio decide they want to make "classy" movies and hire a Playboy Bunny with pretensions (Allen) to be the lead in their next three pictures. Things go from bad to worse when the starlet is murdered after a wrap-party, and everyone is willing to believe Tony killed her because they all dislike him so much.

This film is a misfire from beginning to end. While it's conceptually a decent satire about low-budget exploitation film-making in 1990s L.A., with the expected assortment of stereotypes and all the usual digs and truisms about the industry you find whenever low-budget filmmakers turn the a fictitious and satirical eye on themselves, it's not funny enough during the humorous bits, its not suspenseful enough during the scary bits, and it unfolds at a pace that is for the most part far too slow. Frankly, there's nothing here that's all that good; the film is mostly a collection of jokes and characters that are used to much greater effect in other movies (like in "Hollywood Boulevard" and the more recent "Shoot or Be Shot"), and by the time the film reaches its conclusion and offers up a curious little coda, you get the feeling that the creators of the movie knew there was nothing here that's all that good.

The only thing that makes this movie interesting to watch is the character of Tony, the sleazy producer. This character is usually the villain in pictures like this, and he starts out that way here, but as the film progresses, I found myself rooting increasingly for him. He is the only character in the film who is honest with himself and others about who he is (excluding any actor he happens to be talking to--he considers lying to actors just part of the job, something he's not shy about explaining to any non-actor who will listen), and he's the only character who is happy with what he does in the movie business. "I like my movies," is a line he says several times during the film, not to convince himself that they're good, but just stating the fact that he likes them and that he enjoys his role in making them together and getting them to market. Every other character in the film is either a hypocrite or a self-deluded windbag and/or hack... Tony, in the end, emerges as perhaps the most moral character of them all. A desire to learn his ultimate fate was the only thing that kept me engaged with this movie, because, even though he was the creator of the mess he was in, I wanted to see him get out of it. (The identity of the killer became obvious early on, and it will be to all but the most dense viewer; and director Weaver must have thought he was making a movie for some REALLY dense viewers, because he telegraphs the killer's identity even before the second murder happens. And if anyone but me cares why I put reviews on the blogs I do, this approach to the film's murder mystery aspect of the film is why I'm covering it here instead of at Watching the Detectives.)

As the low rating implies, I can't give this movie a strong recommendation. It is carried almost entirely by the fact that Tony is a different sort of character for this type of movie, with even the funniest of jokes being predictable and the plodding pace at which it unfolds making it even harder to sit through. However, if you can't get enough of filmmakers and actors making fun of themselves of the public's perception of them, or if you have REALLY fond memories of the kind of fare that was typical on "USA Up All Night", it might be worth seeking out. If nothing else, you can consider it a "bonus feature" if you pick up one of the several DVD multi-movie packs in which it is present.

moreless

Remember the Time...

... when Michael Jackson was King?

This 1992 video certainly represents those days. It also reflects the glory days of the music video. The song itself isn't exactly my favorite kind of pop, but the video certainly is fantastic. And with an all-star cast, to boot.

Remember the Time (1992)
Starring: Michael Jackson, Iman, Eddie Murphy, and Magic Johnson
Director: John Singleton
Rating: Nine of Ten Stars



And if you click here, you can see a bit of clever recycling by a YouTube user. He (or she) took the Bangles hit "Walk Like An Egyptian" and set parts of the "Remember the Time" video to it. The dance sequence might even work better this way. (For some reason, I can't embed the video, but the link will open a new window and the video will play.)

moreless

Xtro: The Complete 'Trilogy'

When is a movie trilogy NOT a movie trilogy? When it's the "Xtro" series!

"Xtro" is a series of sci-fi/horror films that are linked only by the presence of killer creatures from other worlds, the same director, and the word "Xtro" in the titles. There are no story links and the killer aliens are vastly different in each film. One really has to wonder why they chose to make the second two films "sequels" to the original; was the title "Xtro" really such a draw in the early 1990s? I understand that the first film achieved some minor legendary status by being included on the British list of "Video Nasties", but was that really enough to drive viewers to sequels made as long as ten years after the original? Especially given how bad the sequels were?


Xtro (1983)
Starring: Bernice Steger, Phillip Seyer, Maryam D'Abo, and Simon Nash
Director: Harry Bromley Davenport
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Three years after being abducted by aliens, Sam (Seyer) returns a very different man, and he passes his gooey, gory alien powers onto his young son (Nash).


When I first saw this movie as a kid, it freaked the heck out of me. The father coming back and spreading alien corruption throughout the household, the way the son was transformed, and the way he in turn went after the horny au-paire (D'Abo)... even the creepy way he made deadly things appear with his mental powers. It all seemed very, very scary.

I suspect someone watching the film with less jaded eyes than mine could still find "Xtro" scary. At this point, I find still find some of the movie quite disturbing--Sam's method of returning to human form was not something I recalled, and it is definitely creepy; the alien egg-laying scene; and the final scene with the mother... well, up to a point with that one--but in general, I now view this film mostly with a sense of frustration because there are two fundamental things that spoil it for me.

First, there's the fact that there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of rhyme or reason to what the characters do, alien or otherwise. In fact, some of the things that happen are pure "Stupid Character Syndrom"--a character does something just to make sure the plot doesn't come to screeching halt, even if a vaguely intelligent person would take any one of numerous different options.

Second, the director and/or scriptwriter simply doesn't know when enough is enough, and this spoils a number of what otherwise would have been excellent, very scary moments. The movie's ending is the ultimate example of this. I won't go into details, because I would spoil it, but suffice to say, the filmmakers ruin a perfectly good ending. If they had been smart, the film would be about 5-10 seconds shorter.

On the upside, we do get to see D'Abo prance around in absolutely nothing, and the acting is uniformly bland (not quite bad... just flat) so no one stands out as good or bad. Gorehounds might also be impressed with a number of scenes in film. The "Return of Sam" scene is a standout in that sense. "Xtro" also features a well-done electronic score, and those are few and far between.

Nonethless, this is a film that clocks in at the low end of average... although I admit my reaction may partially be due to it not living up to my memories of it. (Maybe I'll get the courage to watch "The Exorcist" again. It's the only movie I walked out because it scared me too badly.)


XTRO II: The Second Encounter (1991)
Starring: Jan-Michael Vincent, Tara Buckman, and Paul Koslo
Director: Harry Bromley Davenport
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

Deep underground, American scientists discover how to open a portal to another world...but, surprise-surprise, something goes wrong and murderous critters come across the dimensional void to run amuk. How will the best-and-brightest of the Mad Science Set stop the invasion and save themselves?!

Picture a bad "Aliens" rip-off and cross it with some of the lamest plot elements of a bad "Stargate SG-1" episode, and you have "XTRO: The Second Encounter."


Not only does this "sequel" have absolutely nothing in common with the first movie--the creatures don't even seem to be related--but it's also devoid of good acting, competent direction, and anything that even approaches originality.

For all its faults, the original XTRO at least delivered some genuine weirdness and horror, and it did so with a certain flair. This "sequel" brings absolutely nothing worthwhile to the table. It is a study in complete mediocrity and unoriginality.


Xtro 3: Watch the Skies (1994)
Starring: Sal Landi, Andrew Divoff, Andrea Lauren Hertz, and Robert Kulp
Director: Director: Harry Bromley Davenport
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

A group of Marine demolitions experts are sent to a remote, deserted island to disarm explosives left over from WW2. As will happen, something goes wrong and they unleash an alien that has been trapped in a bunker for several decades. Gory mayhem ensues.

I've read in several places that director Harry Bromley Davenport says this is his favorite entry in the "Xtro" series. I can't for the life of me figure out why. As flawed as it was, the original "Xtro" is far more interesting on every level than this one... and far more competently made.

It's actually a shame that "Xtro 3" turned out as a textbook example of what happens when a low-budget film is made with a slip-shod attitude, because there was a lot of potential here.

The setting--a deserted jungle island that once housed interned Japanese and a secret research facility could have been a character unto itself and filled the movie with atmosphere if the cinematography and direction hadn't been as lifeless as an instructional video on how to navigate the Dewey Decimal System. The story of Marines stalked by a murderous alien creature could have been engaging if the script writer had taken time to research actual military protocols and behaviors, had spent some time making the characters interesting and distinct, and bothered to actually bothered to do more than one draft so the dialogue didn't sound like something written for a cheap voice-over of a Japanese sci-fi movie.

And speaking of characters, perhaps if the actors all didn't seem like they had been handed the script pages right before cameras started to roll but instead seemed like they were in character instead of simply delivering the bad lines, the audience could perhaps develop attachment to one or more of them. Although decent acting would not make up for the fact that illogical, plot-dictated behavior governs every action they take, because no one seems to have bothered to think scenes through.

Similarly, if someone had paid attention to costuming and continuity on the production, maybe generous-minded or entertainment-starved viewers would be able to suspend disbelief and engage with the film, despite the incompetent direction and script. However, the appearing and disappearing gear on characters and less effort put into costuming than you might put into getting dressed for lounging around the house on a Saturday when your friends are all out of town, make that impossible.

Finally, although the alien has possibilities to rival the creepy creature of the original "Xtro," it ends up more laughable than scary due to badly executed special effects and the aforementioned illogical, plot-dictated character behavior. Is there anyone reading this who has seen this film who didn't think like I did: "Why run when you can just kick it really hard?"

"Xtro 3" continues the decline of this series into crapitude. The only thing that keeps it from sinking to a Two Rating (and thus earning a place over at Movies You Should [Die Before You] See) is the alien's back story. It's a cool idea... and it's too bad that it is wasted in a movie like this one. (I won't give it away here, because it is one of the few decent story elements in the film.)

If your looking for something to round out a Bad Movie Night line-up, "Xtro 3: Watch the Skies" might be what you're looking for. You might, however, be better off actually watching the skies and identifying shapes in the clouds.







Trivia: Harry Bromley Davenport stated in a 2010 interview that "Xtro 4" was in the works, which he confirmed in March 2011, in this interview. It remains to be seen if he continues to trend of making each installment in the series worse than the one that went before. It's already a given that this film will have no connection to the others, save for the word "Xtro". (And the fact that a fourth Xtro film is in production puts a lie to the claim that this post covers the complete series/trilogy. Although that may be kind of fitting, given how this "series" isn't one.

moreless

'Home Alone' is an excellent holiday flick

Home Alone (1990)
Starring: Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, and Daniel Stern
Director: Chris Columbus
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

In "Home Alone", Kevin (Culkin), the youngest child in a large and chaotic family goes to bed one night shortly before Christmas with an angry wish that his entire family would just vanish. When he wakes up the next morning, everyone has indeed disappeared, and Kevin happily goes about his new life as an "emancipated minor." (His family hasn't magically vanished; they simply forgot to wake him for the Christmas trip to visit far-away relatives... much to the mother's shame and horror when she discovers what has happened.) Kevin's is enjoying his total freedom... until two house-prowlers (Pesci and Stern) targeting homes that are empty for the holidays mark his house for break-in. What follows is a battle of wits and skill between a bratty--but creative--kid and two less-than-sharp criminals.


Some reviewers and critics pan "Home Alone" as not being dark enough and too silly. These are commentators who truly don't get this movie. and who fail to recognize that they are NOT the target audience for the film. "Home Alone" is a kid's movie and its target audience are kids. And kids LOVE the idea of being independent, and kids love the idea of fending off criminals with bizarre traps and slapstick.

Personally, I spend the climax of "Home Alone" wincing because the cartoon violence visited upon the hapless burglars trying to invade Kevin's home makes my bones ache, but I guarantee that kids will love it. The messages that the film works in about Christmas and the value of family also make the film worth seeing.

I think "Home Alone" is an excellent Christmas movie, and I think that the critics that panned it need to remember that kids really aren't just mini-adults. Or maybe they just need to try to remember what it's like to be a kid.

moreless

Aliens and Sorcerers and Samurai--oh my!

Moon Over Tao--Makaraga (1997)
Starring: Yuko Moriyama, Toshiyuki Nagashima, Hiroshi Abe, Taka Aki Enoki, and Sayaka Yoshino.
Director: Keita Amemiya
Rating: Nine of Ten Stars

"Moon over Tao--Makaraga" has everything... a spell-casting monk, a hard-bitten samurai, and a plucky roguish girl sidekick on a quest to stop an evil sorcerer and uncover the secret behind a magical sword; a pair of superpowered, sexy alien women on a quest to retrieve a weapon forged by their hyper-advanced culture before the evil sorcerer uses it; and a giant rampaging monster that threatens to destroy Earth if our heroes can't stop it.

I'm not much for having bizarre monsters like the one here in live-action movies, but everything else in the flick is perfect! The script is well-crafted, featuring excellent pacing, interesting characters, and witty dialogue. The fight scenes are equally well-staged. This film also does quite well in the special effects department... which is where many Asian films fall down when compared to American standards. Heck, even that goofy giant monster is tolerable because of the well-done costuming and animation work. The cinematography was also well above average for what I have come to expect from this kind of movie. Last, but far, far from least, "Moon over Tao" sports an excellent cast of actors. Everyone gives top calibre performances, even the woman playing the aliens... a remarkable feat since she hardly shows any emotion. She radiates presence, though.

"Moon over Tao--Makaraga" is a fine merging of several Japanese film genres, and it is well worth a look. It features *some* graphic violence, just enough to earn it an R rating--I don't recall anything worse than what I've seen in "slasher flicks"--so it's probably not appropriate for kids.

moreless

'Orgazmo' is a turn-on for comedy lovers

Orgazmo (1997)
Starring: Trey Parker, Dian Bachar, Robyn Lynne, Michael Dean Jacobs, and Ron Jeremy
Director: Trey Parker
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

Joe Young (Parker), a dedicated Mormon missionary ends up a porn star and a real-life sexual superhero. Will his virginal girlfriend back in Utah (Lynne) understand, or will Young's double-life end in tragedy?


If you have enjoyed some of "South Park"'s crudest moments, you'll love "Orgazmo." If you like absurdist humor, you'll also love "Orgazmo." If you can picture a movie that mocks religion, the porn biz, the film industry, and everything in between, you'll find that "Orgazmo" is everything you imagined and more.

This film displays Trey Parker's ability to take pot-shots at everything and everyone at this finest. It also features some of the funniest and crudest jokes and gags to ever appear on film, and despite this, it manages to remain a fairly clever and intelligent movie.(Well, as intelligent as amovie can be with a superhero whose midget sidekick wears a dildo on his head.)

One of the best aspects of the film is the character of Joe. He's naive and he's in one hell of an awkward situation that keeps getting worse, but Parker's script never demeans or mocks him. As such, it avoids a mistake that ruins many comedies that tackle religion. The film pokes fun at Mormon stereotypes, but it never gets vicious toward Mormons themselves, and as such the film remains funny and enjoyable.

This is not a movie for those who are easily offended, no matter what their political, cultural, or sexual orientaton... but it is a movie for the rest of us. Jack Mormons may be especially amused by some of the films digs at Mormon and Utah culture.

moreless

Big-time dreams in small-time theater

Waiting for Guffman (1997)
Starring: Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy, Fred Willard, Parker Posey, Catherine O'Hara, Lewis Arquette, Bob Balaban, Don Lake, Larry Miller, Paul Benedict, Michael Hitchcock, and Matt Keeslar
Director: Christopher Guest
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

A documentary crew follows the casting, staging, and performance of a musical created by Corky St. Clair (Guest), an actor who has failed his way from Broadway to small mid-western town, to celebrate the 150th anniversary of the town's founding. When he learns that a New York theatrical producer, Guffman, will be attending the performance, he inspires dreams of major stardom in the small-town amateur actors (Arquette, Keelar, Levy, O'Hara, and Posey) who are performing the play.


"Waiting for Guffman" is a hilarious mockumentary that pokes fun at community theater, smalltown life, and the desire that lurks withine every performer or creative person--no matter how meager their level of talent--to be a star.

From beginning to end, "Waiting for Guffman" is packed with quirky characters and well-done jokes. In some scenes, the jokes are coming so fast, or simulataniously, that you have to watch the film twice to get all of them. (My personal favorite part of the movie is not so much a gag as commentaries that arise from the film... the orchestra plaing the musical's score is almost at a professional level, as opposed to the actor's who are plainly under-rehersed on opening night. The orchestra was being led by a man who kept wanting to have more organization and less touchy-feely, free-form theatre workshop activities during rehersal time.)

The actors are great and very believable in their parts. Christopher Guest, as the effeminite director/playwright, and Parker Posey, as a teenaged fast foodworker, are particularly remarkable and convincing (which is saying something in the case of Guest's character, because it is truly an odd one0, but Fred Willard and Eugene Levy deliver the lines that get the biggest laughs.

An astonishing to me is that this film (like Guest's other films "Best in Show" and "A Mighty Wind") are mostly improv'ed. The backstory (and in this case the history of Blaine gives rise to much of the film's humor), general plot, and general nature of the characters is worked out, but most of the scenes themselves are unscripted. In "Waiting for Guffman," the only scripted things onscreen is the musical "Red, White, and Blaine", everything else in it was improv'ed and much it was done in just one take.

It's very cool, very remarkable, and very well-performed stuff.

moreless

4th of July fireworks on a planetary scale

Independence Day (1996)
Starring: Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum, and Bill Pullman
Director: Roland Emmerich
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

Monstrous space aliens intent on wiping out the human race launch a different sort of fireworks show for the Fourth of July, leveling Washington D.C. and the rest of the world's great cities. Earth's only hope becomes the surviving wings of the American Air Force, led by former ace pilot President Thomas J. Whitmore (Pullman) and current ace Captain Steve Hiller (Smith). Can they keep a secret desert military base protected long enough for scientists to discover a weakness in the superior technology of the aliens?


Not since the 1950s has anyone made such a grand "aliens destroy the Earth" movie, and I don't think anyone has ever presented quite such an epically heroic vision of the entirity of the American people as we see here. And nowhere but "Stargate: SG-1" will you find bubble-gum sci-fi that consistently shows the U.S. military as the good guys they are.

The formula here is part disaster movie, part action movie, and part sci-fi film. Nothing's terribly original, and the feel really is alot like a 1950s sci-fi film. However, with a special effects extravaganza that I still feel stands unmatched (the fighter-jets vs. aliens and mothership is still more impressive to me than the opening scenes of "Revenge of the Sith", the only bit of film that can compare) and a kind of storyline it would be nice to see in modern movies more often, this is an exciting sci-fi fantasy that provides non-stop entertainment and lifts the spirits.

The writing gets a bit lazy at the climax (well, very lazy actually) and this costs the film a Star on its rating. I still can't feel too outraged at this, because everything up to that point it so much fun. (I won't go into details what this bit of laziness is, because I don't want to spoil the ending... but part of me likes the worst of this misguided ending as I hate it; the dedicated Mac User in me chuckles every time I see it.)

moreless

'Men in Tights' is hilarious Robin Hood spoof

Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)
Starring: Cary Elwes, Roger Rees, Amy Yasbeck, Richard Lewis, Mark Blankfield, Dave Chapelle, Megan Cavanagh, Eric Allan Kramer, and Tracey Ullman
Director: Mel Brooks
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

In "Robin Hood: Men in Tights", Mel Brooks pokes fun at Robin Hood movies from the classic "Adventures of Robin Hood" starring Errol Flynn through the sloppy and ludicrously politically correct "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" starring Kevin Costner, while throwing in a heaping helping of satirical modern pop culture references and fourth-wall humor of a level of hilarity that the makers of films like "Superhero Movie!" can only dream of reaching.


When "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" is at it's best, it rivals Mel Brooks films like "Young Frankenstein" in its craziness and hilarity, but when it falters, it really stalls out. Basically, everything involving Robin Hood and his men in the forest ranks among some of the funniest material to ever be featured in a Mel Brooks movie, with the songs being particularly hilarious. Unfortunately, the opposite it true of just about anything that happens in King John's castle, which tends to be unfunny, slow-paced and generally fairly stupid. (The only exception to this are the fun homages to the sword duels of the Errol Flynn films when Robin Hood takes on the entirety of King John's army in the castle's great hall and the final duel between Robin and the Sheriff at the end of the movie.)

The weakness of the sections in the castle are purely a problem with the script, as Cary Elwes is equally funny and swashbuckler-esque in the Errol Flynn mode throughout the film, and Roger Rees is likewise consistently hilarious as the twitchy and tongue-tied Sheriff of Rottingham. (These two actors serve as the comedic heart of the film, with everyone else giving performances that bounce of them or orbit around them.)

While "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" is an uneven effort from Mel Brooks, it is not as bad as some would lead you to believe. In fact, I might say that the "Sherwood Rap" and "Men in Tights" songs make this movie worth seeing by themselves. Also, anyone who rolled their eyes at Kevin Costner's sad performance in "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" will especially appreciate Robin Hood's response to why the peasants will follow him in revolt against the king, "'Because unlike some other Robin Hoods, I speak with an English accent."

moreless

The Mandroid Duology

In the mid-1990s, while virtually all of Band's productions were being filmed at studios and locations in Romania, a pair of comic-booky features issued forth. One quite good, the other pretty bad. They revolved around a remote-controlled robot known as the Mandroid.


Mandroid (1993)
Starring: Brian Symonds, Jane Caldwell, Brian Cousins, Patrik Ersgaard, Michael Della Femina, Curt Lowens and Ion Haiduc
Director: Jack Ersgaard
Producers: Charles Band, Oana Paunescu and Vlad Paunescu
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

As the Soviet Union collapses, Dr. Zimmer (Symonds) decides to sell his remote-controlled, industructable robot--the Mandroid--and the wonder-materials that power it to the United States of American. But, as an American CIA agent (Ersgaard) and a dashing young scientist (Cousins) arrive to close the deal, Zimmer's collegue Dr. Drago (Lowens) decides to seize the robot in order to forge a deal of his own.


"Mandroid" is basically a live action comic book. It's full of one-dimensional characters, nonsensical science, and violence of a sort you only find in cartoon and comic books. (A car slams into a wall high speed and the occupant is barely dazed, a character is shot in the chest at point blank range is he barely bleeds, and the villain is horribly burned by experimental chemicals and all that appears to happen is that he developes a horrible rash and weird facial features. Oh... and an experimental treatment doesn't heal a character but instead turns him invisible.)

It may be nonsense, but it's fun nonsense. It moves along at a fast pace, with the 71 minute running time zipping by like no time at all. You'll have to park your brain at the door, but if you like old style mad scientist movies, you'll like this one. It's the sort of thing Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, George Zucco, Fay Wray and Lionel Atwill would have been featured in.

(An interesting bit of triva: The poster for "Mandroid", from which the image at the top of this post was adapted, features a concept that doesn't appear until the sequel.)



Invisible: The Chronicles of Benjamin Knight (1994)
Starring: Brian Cousins, Jennifer Nash, Michael Della Femina, Curt Lowens, Aharon Impale and David Kaufman
Director: Jack Ersgaard
Producer: Charles Band
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Two scientists (Cousins and Nash) are working on finding a cure for a friend who was turned invisible during a lab accident (Della Femina) while continuing to develope the futuristic war-robot Mandroid. But their old enemy Dr. Drago (Lowens) is still lurking in the shadows, and a corrupt police commisioner (Impale) has decided he wants the Mandroid for his own purposes.

"Invisible: The Chronicles of Benjamin Knight" is a Full Moon action extravaganza where the tiny budget is definately visible on the screen. There are several car crashes, car chases with running gun-fights, and two really feiry explosions.

Unfortunately, the explosions are the only fireworks in this film. The film suffers first and foremost from a lack of focus. While the villainous Dr. Drago's perverted lunatic minions are creepy, they don't fit with the tone of the rest of the movie... nor are any of the subplots tied to Drago effectively resolved. A more appropriate villain is the corrupt police chief who decides he wants the Mandroid robot for his own purposes, but not enough time is spent developing him, because Drago and his minions. (The highlight of Drago's involvement in the film is that it leads to him a sword-fight with Zanna while she is dressed in a skimply bellydancer's outfit. And, yes, it makes about as much sense as you think it does.)


Worse, the Mandroid is a complete waste of time and space in the film. Not only is nothing interesting done with it, but it seems smaller than it did in the previous film. I don't know if the guy in the suit is smaller or if they redesigned it, but it's just not as impressive as it was before.

Not nearly enough is done with the concept of Benjamin Knight's invisibility, nor is even that particularly central to most of the story.

In fact, nothing is particularly central to the story. The film is loose collection of ideas that never really coalese into anything that matters. The end result is a forgettable, empty movie that the only thing you'll remember about is the swordfight... just because it's so out of place. (Well, that and Jennifer Nash looks great in that red bellydancer outfit.)

moreless

Inferior remake of an excellent animated series

All Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku: Dash! - Vol. 1 (1998)
Rating: Two of Ten Stars

Fourteen-year-old Ryonoske has a problem: His raging hormones have him lusting for the orphaned amnesiac girl--nicknamed Nuku-Nuku--that his father has brought in as a house-keeper. Unfortunately, she is completely oblivious to his desire for her... and in fact any of the designs that men and others have on her. Because Nuku-Nuku is secretly a hi-tech battledroid that Ryonoske's father has stoken from the arms-manufacturer that his wife works for! To make matters more complicated, his wife is put in charge of finding and recovering the missing battledroid.

I loved the original six-episode "All-Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku-Nuku" series--I thought it was hilarious, with characters that were sweet and likable... even the bad guys! It's a great series for both adults and kids. "Dash!" is a sad, distorted shadow of that original series.

"All Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku: Dash!" is a remake of the original series that features the same characters, but their posiitons in the story have changed, some of their motivations have changed, and Nuku-Nuku has been completely reinvented. Yeah, she's still a robot with a partial cat-brain, but she's also a superhero, complete with transformation and the ability to fire ill-defined explosive beams from her hands.

Everything about "Dash" is either inferior or tacky when compared to the original series. All sweetness has been removed from the series, with the transformation of Ryunoske from a boy from a broken home who wants to see his parents reunite, to a horny 14-year-old who is lusting after Nuku-Nuku. Nuku-Nuku herself is little more than an empty-headed, "perfect woman" whose role barely extends beyond providing jiggling boobs and fight scenes. (Worse, much of the boob jiggling is provided through footage that is recycled at least once every episode.) To add insult to injury, the animation quality is inferior to the original series as well.

As much as I loved the original "Nuku-Nuku," I dislike this remake. Like the "Tenchi" series degraded from the original to be worse with each successive remake, so it seems is the "Nuku-Nuku" property. While the "Tenchi" remakes at least managed to keep their heart--remaining tales of family and friendship--"Nuku-Nuku" was stripped of everything that made it good right out of the remake's starting gate. The creators giving Nuku-Nuku a boob job and a dye-job were just surface reflections of the way the remake abandoned everything that made the initial series worth watching.

moreless

Fabulous anime fantasy series

Mask of Zeguy (1997)
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars


"Mask of Zeguy" was originally made as a two-part animated series, although here it is contained on one disc. It features a solid storyline about Miki, a teenaged dscendent of a powerful priestess who is is drawn into the World of the Clouds, a magical realm where she becomes embroiled in a battle to save both it and Earth.

This is a low-priced DVD, with good animations quality, interesting ideas, and plenty of action and twists and turns within a story that should appeal to both girls and boys.

One of the things that I found most appealing was the design of the World in the Clouds... it was a fascinating "what if Leonardo DaVinchi's more offbeat creations actually worked"/magic steam-punk kind of place.

The only caveat to "Mask of Zeguy" is that its storyline assumes alot of knowledge of Japanese history and classic poetry. Some of the figures that Miki meets are well-known Japanese historical/mythical figures, and some of the villians' plans are likewise probably only fully understood with some grounding in Japanese culture. That said, I don't think I have much more knowledge of Japanese history and culture than most Americans, and I enjoyed "Mask of Zeguy," so I'm sure others will, too.

On a note that isn't related so much to the cartoon as it is to its marketing, "Mask of Zeguy" was originally released in the U.S. as simply "Zeguy" (back in 1997). That title makes alot more sense than that given to the current edition--"Zeguy" is a Japanese word that translates, roughly, into "Wow!" or "Amazing!" There is no character in the show named Zeguy, nor is there any "Mask of Wow" anywhere in the program. It looks to me like someone in the marketing department decided the title needed to be punched up, and that he was making his decisions based solely on promo art for the product.

moreless

'Bright Angel' is a trip not worth taking

Bright Angel (1990)
Starring: Dermot Mulroney, Lily Taylor, Bill Pullman and Sam Shepard
Director: Michael Fields
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

Set among the working-class and sub-criminal people who live in the desolate expanses of Montana and Oklahoma, "Bright Angel" is a kinda-sorta coming of age story where characters wander through the plot without any particular purpose and things just seem to happen without any particular reason.


That's great in real life--people do tend to wander aimlessly in and out of each other's lives and things do just sort of happen without any discernable pattern--but it makes for a bad movie. The only real drama of the film happens about 3/4ths of the way through it... and it's way too brief.

Lili Taylor and Bill Pullman give nice performances (which is why the flick gets Three Stars instead of Two), but there's not much else worthwhile here. Pass on this one unless you're the world's greatest Lili Taylor fan.

moreless

Fatal Flaw: Takes silly concept seriously

Variable Geo (1999)
Rating: Four of Ten Stars



In the animated 'Variable Geo,' waitresses who are also experts in exoteric martial arts styles battle in a series of matches to be named the world's battle queen. There's a darker side to the Variable Geo tournaments... and our heroines end up running headlong into it.

I thought 'Variable Geo' sounded like a hoot, so I picked up up. The first ten minutes are the tone I would have expected... but after that, the concept of warrior waitresses is started to be taken seriously not only by the story, but, the episodes assume, by the viewer as well. It's a flaw that turns what could have been a fun romp into a rather excrutiating 80 minutes.

To make matters worse, the first three episodes end on a cliffhanger. I imagine this means there's a 'Variable Geo II' on the horizon. It's a sequel that I at least will be ignoring.

On the techincal front, the animation was average and the voice acting (in the English dubbed version) was slightly above average.

moreless