Maybe Goebbles did the world a favor

When the defeat of Hitler's Nazi regime by the Allies was a certainty, the Mustachioed One took the coward's way out and committed suicide. The same is true of his top propaganda minister Goebbles, but Goebbles did Hitler one better when he murdered all his children as well.

I always thought that Goebbles act demonstrated as clearly as possible what kind of monster he really was, but then this article comes along to make me rethink that position.

Nazi Grandma: Himmler’s Daughter Carries Her Father’s Flame To A New Generation of Nazis

Maybe Goebbles did the world a favor when he offed the foul demon children that sprang from the union of himself and the beast he was married to. His actions made certain there were fewer bitches like Gudrun Burwitz infesting Planet Earth.

Dramatic re-inactment of a typical evening for Gudrun Burwitz in 1944

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Maybe Oliver Stone was right?

Last year, director and brave anti-Zionist crusader and conspiracy theorist Oliver Stone put forward the theory that Adolf Hitler had been unfairly scapegoated by nefarious villains. Stone promised to show the world the Truth about Hitler and how he could not be judged as "bad" once the full context of his life and actions were known.

With the recent re-discovery of two Hitler-commissioned movie musicals that were thought lost, perhaps Stone has been vindicated in his assessment of Hitler as not being such a bad guy.

Can it be that not only have nefarious Zionists been lying about the true and cuddly nature of Hitler and his Nazis, but that homophobic anti-Gay bigots have been distorting the truth as well?

How can a man who would commission a 3-D musical focused on plump, juicy sausages titled "So Real You Can Touch It" be anything but faaabulous? And then there's "Girls Roll Into the Weekend," a film which probably puts even the greatest Liza Minnelli concerts to shame.

Hopefully, Oliver Stone will use part of his his "Secret History" episode unveiling the True Hitler to cement the Mustachioed One as the trailblazing gay icon he truly was.

In fact, I see a whole new series of "Secret History" specials in this, one tracing the line of maligned homosexuals from Alexander the Great through Adolf Hitler to Yassir Arafat and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad! Someone get Stone's agent on the phone! He also needs to secure the rights to "So Real You Can Touch It" so he can reissue them to movie theaters and bring Hitler's homo-erotic visions to the 21st century via cutting-edge 3D technology!

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I was right AND wrong about "Auschwitz."

As I mentioned previously, I wrote an email to Uwe Boll to ask about "Auschwitz", because I was confused by the existence of a preview for a movie that doesn't exist according to his resume at IMDB Pro.

I was RIGHT in-so-far as no one had bothered asking whether this was a real movie or not.

"You are the only journalist asking me anything," Boll wrote. "Everybody else is just writing and guessing."

I was, however, WRONG in my speculation that the preview was some misbegotten attempt at promoting "Bloodrayne: The Third Reich."

In the time-honored method of budget-minded B-movie producers everywhere, Boll shot a second movie back-to-back to back with the WW2-themed third entry in the "Bloodrayne" series and that movie is "Auschwitz."

"It will appear on IMDB soon," he wrote.

Boll went onto explain that he was hoping to show the Holocaust as ugly as it was.

"I made the movie because there is not one movie made that shows the holocaust as it really was," he wrote. "All the movies made show us the SPECIAL people, the heroes, but nobody focused on the subject matter. This is what I do in my movie,
and I think in times where 50% of the planet basically say THERE WAS NO HOLOCAUST - I think it's not so bad to show that AUSCHWITZ happened."

He further added that part of the movie will be a documentary.

So, love him, hate him, or be completely indifferent towards him, it seems that Uwe Boll is putting forward something approximating a serious film. I think that deserves some consideration.

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What's missing in this picture?

Can you solve the first-ever Cinema Steve brain-teaser? It's fun for the whole family!

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'SS Girls' defies genre classification

Every once in a while, I come across a movie that leaves me absolutely baffled as to what the director was trying to accomplish. One such film has made it into the line up for the "Nazis Quit Mini-Blogathon."

SS Girls (aka "Private House of the SS") (1977)
Starring: Gabriele Carrara, Marina Daunia, Macha Magall and Ivano Staccioli
Director: Bruno Mattei
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

This a film that defies classification beyond "Nazi softcore porn," because I can't figure out whether it's an ineptly made spoof or a VERY ineptly made drama. The only thing I know for sure is that it's ineptly made.

As the tide of WW2 turns against Germany, crazed SS officer and former church organist Hans Schellenberg (Carrara) is charged with creating a brothel where, while in the throes of passion, high-ranking military officers will be tricked revealing whether they are traitors to the Third Reich. To this end, a dozen or so young women are trained to be the ultimate weapons of sexual destruction by Hans' sadistic second-in-command (Daunia) and an expert prostitute (Magall).


Allowing for the bizarre premise--that anyone will be stupid enough to reveal they are planning high treason against a murderous dictator to a prostitute in a brothel run by loyal servants of said murderous dictator--the movie starts out logically enough, if goofy. The training sequences where the girls are trained as sexual soldiers (especially the bits where they are fencing in toga-like outfits) are unintentionally hilarious).

In fact, the first half hour of the film plays like a slightly inept spoof of the "classic" Nazi brothel movie "Salon Kitty" (an influence the director acknowledges in an interview included on the DVD). The intense and creepy Nazi commander from "Salon Kitty" is replaced with Gabriele Carrara's Hans character, who starts out with a strange set-up (the greatest church organist ever, yet sexually perverse enough to count a brothel madame and a dominatrix among his close associates... not to mention the fact that he appears to in love with Hitler and Nazism that all he needs is a picture of The Fuhrer and a free hand to get satisfaction. But Hans is all the more rediculous due to the over-the-top performance delivered by both Carrara and the anonymous voice actor who performed the English-language dub for the picture. It's so bad that it becomes good as he mugs and minces his way through the movie, a performance so ludicrously extreme that I'm amazed that he didn't have a long and successful career as a comic actor starting with this movie. (I suspect it might have a little to do with the fact that he probably wasn't trying to be funny, although it's just as likely that he was a stage actor.)

Carrara's performance is so bizarre that I actually found myself liking Hans as the film unfolded, despite the fact he's absolutely repulsive in every way. Of course, my empathy for the character could arise from the fact that Carrara is the only one of two actors who give anything close to a performance beyond "Hi, I'm here for a small paycheck, and I'm putting forth a comparable effort." (The other noteworthy performance comes from Ivano Staccioli, who, as Hans' commanding officer General Berger, seems like he wandered over from a more serious-minded WW2 drama and isn't aware of the inane nature of the film he's in.)

Carrara and his character are at the most extreme and become fully ensconced as the film's bizarre comedic center when he puts a group of Nazi generals on trial for treason--his "girls" successfully loosening their tongues--while dressed like this:


Hans' "NAzi Pope" outfit is a great bit of mockery of the put-on pomp and circumstance of Hitler's Third Reich and so nonsensical that it would have been more at home in a film like "Airplane" than here.

Unfortunately, Hans' trial is both a comedic highpoint and the moment at which the film stops making any sense. With the generals out of the way, Hans' brothel gets used as a way to execute three extremely brutal officers (which begged the question wny they just weren't taken out and shot) and ultimately Hans himself. Hans' demise, and that of all the characters, take place on the very day Hitler commits suicide, and the closing scenes of the film are as strange as everything that led up to it, but are undermined by a out-of-the-blue conversion of Hans from Nazi worshipper to self-loathing Nazi hater, and a truly out-of-place speech by General Berger that seems designed to evoke the sentiment that "Nazis are people too, and the horrors of war are horrors of war, even for Nazis who are exterminating Jews in concentration camps and specially trained sex soldiers in brothels."

To top off an already bizarre experience, the film ends in the most literally incomprehensible way: The final few lines in the version I screeened were hadn't been dubbed into English but were spoken in Italian.

I've said very little about the sex part of this movie, which, obstensibly is its main selling point. This is because I think only the loneliest and horniest fans of these kinds of Nazi boob-fests will find what this film has to offer engaging. There is nudity throughout and there are plenty of naughty bits during the "sex boot camp" montage early in the picture, but it's mostly badly staged, indifferently filmed, and just plain boring. (Except for the scene where Hans almost gets it on with two ladies in a room lined with Nazi flags and busts of Hitler... but it's once again Gabriele Carrara's extreme over-acting that saves the scene rather than its supposed erotic content.)

In the end, despite my love for Gabriele Carrara in this, his only starring role, I can't recommend this movie.

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Polish Hams vs. the German Ubermenchen

Contiuing my observance of the 65th anniversary of the Nazis being crushed like the bugs that they were, I offer a review of one of the smartest movies Mel Brooks ever appeared in.

To Be or Not to Be (1983)
Starring: Mel Brooks, Anne Bancroft, Tim Matheson, Charles Durning, Jose Ferrer and Christopher Lloyd
Director: Alan Johnson
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

During the Nazi occupation of Poland, the Bronski Theatre Company, led by First-class Hams Dr. and Mrs. Bronski (Brooks and Bancroft), become involved with a desperate attempt to thwart a Nazi double-agent (Ferrer) from revealing the names of resistance fighters to the Gestapo.


"To Be or Not to Be" is probably one of the smartest movies that Mel Brooks has ever been part of. Although a remake of a classic comedy from the 1940s, this is a great movie in its own right, with stellar performances from all the films principals.

Anne Bancroft is particularly wonderful as Anna Bronski, an aging stage diva whose welcoming of amorous attention from a young admirer starts the series of escalating events that places her husband in the position of being the man to save the Polish underground.

Mel Brooks is hilarious as always--his "Highlights from Hamlet" are a hoot, as are his confrontations with the Nazis and observations about their literacy--and Charles Durning and Christopher Lloyd play Nazi SS officers with just the right mix of bufoonery and danger to create the perfect caricature of the self-important, dimwitted psychopaths that filled the middle ranks of the Third Reich.

Although a remake, the new material the film brings to this version is some of the best Mel Brooks has ever been responsible for. I don't think any other film comments as effectively on the destructiveness that Nazis and those like them (such as hardcore Communist and Islamic governments) to the creativity and free spirit and humanity of those who suffer under their boot heels. The final scenes at the Bronski Theatre, where the company and half a dozen Jews that they've been hiding enact an elaborate plan to escape Nazi clutches even as Hitler himself is watching from one of the boxes, in particular bring home the cruelty and lack of soul and compassion in a way that no other artistically themed film has other than "Cabaret". That scene, and the whole undercurrent of how the Nazis kill or pervert artistic expression that runs through the film, is something unique in the Mel Brooks' canon... and it's something that makes this movie a must-see.

For all the great stuff in this movie, there is one major misstep. For whatever reason, the writers, director and probably even Brooks himself felt obligated to include some of the third-wall wackiness that we expect from Brooks--the sort of stuff that was all over "Blazing Saddles" and "High Anxiety" at the very beginning of the movie. But that material is out of place and inappropriate for the comedic tone of the rest of the film. It's funny, but it still shouldn't have been included.

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Uwe Boll's best movie so far?

Given the negative reputation that German director Uwe Boll has among many movie fans, and some jokes that are offered in this film, I was tempted to included it as part of the "Nazis Quit!" mini-blogaton. Ultimately, I chose to just post it like any other review. It is, after all, the very best picture so far from the reputed cinematic weapon of mass-destruction himself. (That said, I am of the opinion that Boll's reputation is inflated by critics and movie-goers who need to watch more films before they start throwing labels like "worst movie ever" and "worst filmmaker ever."



Postal (2008)
Starring: Zack Ward, Dave Foley, Chris Coppola, Jackie Tohn, Larry Thomas and Vern Troyer
Director: Uwe Boll
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

An unemployed factory worker (Ward) teams up with his con-artist uncle (Dave Foley) to steal a shipment of highly collectible dolls and make their fortune selling them. Unfortunately, Osama bin Laden (Larry Thomas) wants to steal the same dolls for far more nefarious purposes.


Any movie that mocks Osama bin Laden and the homicidal idiots who find him an inspiring figure is one that I automatically have a favorable disposition toward. The world needs works of art that disrespects them in every way possible. Mockery of the Lions of Islam were the highlights of "American Dreamz" (2006) and "An American Carol" (2008)--the only good part of the latter film, actually--and it's a definite highlight of this film. (The funniest joke in the whole film involves Taliban terrorists, an SUV, and the celebratory firing of automatic weapons.)

However, Osama and his fellow psychotic murderers are not the only target in this dark farce that is loosely based on a first-person shooter computer game. The trashier side of American culture and consumerism, the more vicious side of American corporate culture, and the capacity of human beings to buy into the most ridiculous notions if they are presented in a cloak of religious authority. (Although, amusingly, it is a couple of the Muslim criminals who are the prime target of ridicule in the film who come to their senses regarding the lies their leaders feed them.)


As much as much as this movie amused me, I also feel it went too far on too many occasions. Too many of the jokes are simple gross-out gags or taken so far that they cross the line from funny into intentionally and heavy-handedly offensive, while writer/director Uwe Boll tries to cram too much into the film. Basically, almost like the was trying to make a film in the classic Abrams/Zucker mold but failed to understand that those comedies had relatively simple storylines jammed with weird puns and sight gags, while Boll jammed his film with plots and subplots until nothing got the proper amount of time.

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Neo-Nazi assholes attack pensioners

Filthy Neo-Nazi cowards abused concentration camp survivors at ceremonies held to mark their liberation by American forces. Here are the first few paragraphs from the Daily Mirror story.

Survivors of a Nazi death camp were shot at and abused as they gathered to remember their liberation.

Masked neo-Nazi thugs screamed 'Heil Hitler!' and 'This way for the gas!' at ten elderly Italian men and women, who returned to the site of the Mauthausen concentration camp in Austria.

The gang also fired air guns at a group of 15 French survivors, many dressed in the striped pyjama-style uniforms they wore as inmates. One suffered a head wound while another was injured by a shot in the neck. The four thugs managed to escape.

You can read the full article here, as well as see pictures of those who took part in the ceremonies. No pictures of the scum who disrupted them and terrorized those in attendence, though.

The most pathetic thing about these inbred, Eurotrash scumbags is that they don't have the courage of their convictions. Like Muslim terrorists, like "anarchists" who get off on disrupting the lives of citizens in cities hosting international conferences, like any number of assholes in this world, they are too cowardly to stand by their actions and hide their faces behind masks.

It's no wonder Nazis are so beloved among Muslims and that their methods are so popular among so-called liberal activist groups. They have a lot in common.

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