The kittens! Won't anyone save the kittens?!

A desperate cry sends a brave fireman plunging into a raging inferno where he comes face to face with a firewitch and her flaming minions, as the World of ROLF invades ours following a spell gone awry!

ROLF: The Fireman vs. The Firewitch is the latest supplement for L.L. Hundal & Steve Miller's comedy game ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters. With the usual assortment of pre-generated characters and new game rules, it's just about the only fun you can have for 50 cents anymore.

Download your copy today!

(And if you don't know what ROLF! is, then you need to click here to get yourself a copy of the basic game. (It's the most fun you'll have for $1.50.)

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Presenting: Icing Oetzi - A ROLF Historical Recreation!

Who killed Oetzi the Iceman? Was it the religious fanatic? Perhaps the angry cook? Or maybe Bigfoet, the Tyrolean Yeti?

On a Wednesday afternoon some 5,300 years ago, a shepherd headed into the Alps to tend his flock of goats. He would never see his home again. His mummified corpse and violent death have been the subject of study and speculation since a retreating glacier released him from his makeshift grave in 1991, A.D. (or C.E.... whatever.)

In observance of the 20th anniverary of the discovery of the victim now known as "Oetzi the Iceman," and in support of NUELOW Games' goal of educating while entertaining, we proudly present Icing Oetzi: A ROLF! Historical Recreation.

The result of all the research that can be expected for a $0.50 product from a company named NUELOW Games, the three combat scenarios and four pre-generated characters presented gives insight into a mystery that's more than 5,000 years old. Who killed Oetzi? The religions fanatic? The angry cook? Or the Tyrolean Yeti? Play the Recreations with friends, and decide which one rings true.

Get your copy today from RPGNow by clicking here. Proceeds from ever copy sold contributes to keeping me in house and home, as well as off the streets and out of trouble. Do your part today!

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What they're saying about 'ROLF!: The Death of Osama bin Laden'(And a sale celebrating the great reviews!)

"Tacky."

"Worse than tacky."

"Steve's sense of humor is known to AD&D players as being something of an acquired taste but he's certainly a creative fellow."

"I'm kinda interested in what a beer hat and metal slave bikini have to do with Seal Team Six. Also vaguely terrified."

Those are comments made in response to a newsbrief at The Miniatures Page about "ROLF!: The Death of Osama bin Laden" from NUELOW Games.

To let you experience what they're talking about--and to celebrate such great responses!--I'm offering a limited-time special for readers of Cinema Steve. By using the links in this post, you can order your very own copies of "ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters" and "Rolf!: The Death of Osama bin Laden" at 50% off the normal price.

BUY "ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters" FOR ONLY $0.75 BY CLICKING HERE.

BUY "ROLF!: The Death of Osama bin Laden" FOR ONLY $0.25 BY CLICKING HERE.

To get the discounts, just click on the links. You'll have to click each one individually, and if you don't already have an account set up with RPGNow, you may have to make one. You can get one or both of the releases as you choose, but "ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters" is required to gain full use of "The Death of Osama bin Laden.

These discounts expire on 7/21/2011, so get your copies today!

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A little something to help you get through the long weekend

Earlier this week, I published my first of several eBooks featuring classic fiction re-edited to a lesser or greater degree by yours truly. I'm leading this new venture of mine with a long-time favorite--John Kendrick Bangs' "Houseboat on the River Styx".

I've performed some editing and abridgments of Bangs' original book and combined it with an edited version of the sequel, "In Pursuit of the Houseboat". I hope my efforts have breathed new life into this neat fantasy classic that has the leading Shades of Hades creating a social club. Arguments about life, the afterlife, and why it's too bad that Noah didn't put dinosaurs on his ark ensue.

For a special sales price of just $1.25, you can get a 94-page pdf-format book with chapter illustrations by famed fantasy artist Larry Elmore and others that you can enjoy on a number of platforms, the iBook in particular.

All of my earnings on the book go to feed my hungry cats, so please buy a copy today! Archie and Edith will be ever so grateful.

(Also, be sure to keep a look-out for the tie-in with my recently released game "Rolf!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters". It'll present several of the characters from "Houseboat on the Styx" through the prism of "Rolf!", battle ready for your imaginary mayhem enjoyment.)

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Does this mean I'm famous or a has-been?

While trying to figure out a way to finally establish my list of credits--who I've written for over the years and what I've done for them--in the hopes of maybe lining up some work, I came across a Wikipedia page about me!

I've known about the Steve Miller (columnist) and Steve Miller (writer) Wiki-pages for a while. Back when I was writing "Dragonlance" and "Star Wars" material regularly, I would occasionally be mistaken by fans for Steve Miller (writer) (and co-writer of the very excellent Laiden sci-fi series)--and visa-versa. I may even have been mistaken for Steve Miller (columnist) at one point or another. Much to the great shame of those two worthies, I'm sure.

I've never been mistaken for Steve Miller (musician), even if I used to write music reviews. I've always dreamed about getting just one of his royalty checks by mistake! (And screw the ethics classes I used to teach! It would go straight into the bank account!)

But... now that someone has bothered making a Wiki page for me, should I start demanding the best tables at restaurants, or should I shut down the word processor and get a job as a security guard or Wendy's manager?

Whichever it is, at least I have another excuse to post a link and say, "please buy my latest book."

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My letter to Santa....

Dear Santa,

I've been pretty good this year, at least compared to years passed.

I've not made (much) fun of insane Muslim terrorists and their admirers--in fact, I have tried to foster greater understanding among them and the rest of the world with my Tectonic Tuesdays series.

I have also tried to say something nice about every graphic novel and movie I've reviewed this year, even the ones I featured at Movies You Should (Die Before You) See. And you have have to admit that one has to look damn hard to find something nice to say about many of those cinematic miscarriages.

I know you are very busy and that it might be hard to reach my house, given my proximity to air force bases and airports--no one wants to see your sleigh mistaken for a hostile aircraft and blown out of the sky by fighter jets--so I suggest you just go ahead and get me something of my Wish List at Amazon.com and just have it delivered through the post.

You are of course welcome to stop by, and I will have the usual milk and cookies waiting for you. But if you still think I've not been good enough to warrant a present, can you please at least wrap the lumps of coal in paper? Last year, the cats walked on them and tracked paw prints all over my best table cloth.

Your friend, fan (and hopefully on the Nice List this year),

Steve Miller

PS: If you need a suggestion for what to get those who like bad movies and to whom you won't be able to give cloned love slaves of Jeri Ryan, Fabio, and/or Ava Gardner, I think you should get them copies of 150 Movies You Should [Die Before You] See. I'm sure they'll love it, and you can get it to them in the traditional hard-copy or in electronic format for the Kindle! (The book can also serve as an alternative to lumps of coal for self-important film snobs on the Naughty List! I hope you'll find the suggestion useful, and I hope it will make it even clearer to you how good I've been this year. I am a changed man. Seriously!)

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It's not too late...

... to give a Christmas gift of laughter and reviews of cinematic messes for the lover of cheesy and downright awful movies in your household/circle of friends. (Reviewers have even been describing 150 Movies You Should [Die Before You] See as a good reference book, so it's an educational gift, too!)

Order the book at a discount from Amazon.com, pick one or two-day shipping, and it will at your house on time to serve as the perfect stocking stuffer, or a just-before-the-Big-Day Advent gift!

Of course, since I wrote the book, I may be biased in my estimation of its quality. Click here to read highlights of reviews at the Movies You Should (Die Before You) See blog. Critics reviewing the review book are unanimous in their likes and dislikes about it. But most of them mostly like it!

Order now, and I'll put in a good word with Santa for you!

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Webizens, give me your votes!

My Watching the Detectives blog got nominated for an award, but in the present voting round it is being spanked harder than Eddie Murphy at a transvestite convention.

If you haven't voted for an Action Movie Blog in Movie411.com Blog Awards, how about you vote for my blog? I promise I'll talk Steven Seagal out of his current plan to sing power ballads under your bedroom window at 0300 hours every morning.

(Or you can consider my reviews of movies featuring the likes of Seagal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Clint Eastwood, Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, Jackie Chan, and even Sandra Bullock!)

Vote for Watching the Detectives! The polls close December 15!

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'150 Movies You (Should Die Before You) See' on sale now!

Although the official release date for my book about a bunch of movies to stay away from for a range of different reasons isn't until November, it is already on sale at Amazon.com, at roughly 30% off cover-price!

The Amazon listing even gives you an opportunity to get a real preview of the book by clicking on the cover image with the "Look Inside" label. The Table of Content, index, and a handful of pages can be viewed. Go take a look! And if you decide to pick up a copy, my cats and I thank you! They need kitty litter, and I need a new pair of shoes!






(And I really DO review both the original and remake of "Attack of the Giant Leeches". That is not an error on the ToC. And yes, someone DID remake "Attack of the Giant Leeches". And the remake is WORSE than the original.)

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The website for the book inspired by the blog...

I was asked to make a website for my upcoming book he editor of my upcoming book, 150 Movies You Should (Die Before You) See.

Please check it out by clicking here. While you'll find link back to this very space, you'll also find the opportunity to watch a classic Bela Lugosi movie and some brand-spakin' new message forums. (All that's in them right now are little posts I've been making, partly as tests, partly because I abhor empty space. You should see my office.)

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It's good to have something to fall back on

Just call me Swami Yurmurda. It worked for this guy, so why not me?

By the way, I've made a website to help promote my upcoming book, 150 Movies You Should (Die Before You) See. You can visit it by clicking here. You can even watch a classic Bela Lugosi movie there (well, for the next month... a new film will be featured come Oct. 1.) :)

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Coming soon to a bookstore near you....

"150 Movies You Should (Die Before You) See" has been in the works for some time; has been through two distinctly different incarnations; and has plenty of stuff to entertain and amuse those who love watching bad movies (as well as those who love hating bad movies).

Now, if only I can convince someone that the world DOES need a book that contains both movie reviews and themed recipes that are easy to prepare (for hosting the bad movie parties).

If you want to help a fellow out, you can pre-order the book at a discount from Amazon.com by clicking on the link below. A portion of every dollar you spend goes to feed my two hungry cats!

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