'Bruno' was surprisingly boring

Bruno (2009)
Starring: Sasha Baron Cohen and Gustaf Hammerstein
Director: Larry Charles
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

I went to see "Bruno" expecting it to be stupid and gross. I did not expect it to be boring.


The problem with the movie is exactly what I feared: The central character, the cartoonishly flaboyantly and obnoxiously homosexual fashion reporter Bruno, is simply too much of a cartoon to support a full movie. Like the worst of the movies based on successful Saturday Night Live bits, "Bruno" is an illustration that sketch comedy should generally speaking remain short-form. However, the filmmakers did realize this and they attempted to mitigate the problem by making a movie that is, essentially, an unconnected series of vinettes organzied around a storyline that sees a disgraced Bruno trying to hang onto what little media spotlight he has by trying to become a celebrity who is famous for being famous.

There are some genuinely funny bits in the film, but they are too few and too far between. Plus, you've already seen the punchlines for most of them if you've seen any "Bruno" commercials.

The "adopt-a-baby and use it for media attention" storyline and surrounding bits are funny, as is Bruno's attempts to "go straight" and the end credits sequence, but most of the rest of the film feels forced.

Worse, Bruno is a repulsive character, not just because he is sexually obsessed to a demented degree, but because he is mean-spirited and stupid. Borat at least had the saving grace of not being a vicious jackass. I spent most of my time watching this movie, wincing with embarrassment on behalf of Bruno because of his antics and meanness.

I recommend skipping this film, or at least waiting for the DVD release so you can rent it for cheap. It simply isn't good enough to pay even matinee prices for.

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Karl Malden dead at 97

Karl Malden, the Academy Award-winning actor whose intelligent characterizations on stage and screen made him a star despite his plain looks, died Wednesday, his family said. He was 97.

Malden died of natural causes surrounded by his family at his Brentwood home, they told the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences. He served as the academy's president from 1989-92.

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Michael Jackson dead at 50

Pop star Michael Jackson has died after suffering a heart attack, it has been reported. Los Angeles Fire Department paramedics had rushed to the singer's home near Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles, CA, after receiving a 911 call. He was rushed to a hospital, but he had already passed away.

The cause of Jackson's death was reportedly an overdose of prescription drugs, which he had obtained legally from his doctor.

Jackson was living in Los Angeles while rehearsing a series of 50 sold-out shows in London, the LA Times has reported. The tour was to have been his comeback following his acquittal on charges of child sexual abuse.

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Dropping even the pretense of an independent media

ABC is going to be broadcasting prime-time "news" from the White House, all about the Obama plan for health care. Supposedly, viewpoints other than those put forth by our Glorious Leader will provided by everyday citizens in attendence at a "town-hall style" event where Our Glorious Leader will take uncensored, unedited questions.

When the Republicans pointed out that a "news broadcast" in an environment dictated and controlled by Our Glorious Leader's press office and security staff, ABCNews' Senior Vice President Kerry Smith offered this very disingenious response:

"ABCNEWS alone will select those who will be in the audience asking questions of the president. Like any programs we broadcast, ABC News will have complete editorial control. To suggest otherwise is quite unfair to both our journalists and our audience."

Those out there who think for yourselves will be wondering HOW ABC is going to select who will be in the audience and who will ge to ask questions given that the Secret Service (or anyone really) can deny anyone access to the environment around our Glorious Leader by labeling them a security risk. ABC News has NO control over ANYTHING within the White House. To claim otherwise is an insult to the intelligence of the American people.

It's tragic that we no longer have a truly independent media in this country. One more half step, and we will have an oligarchical dictatorship.

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David Carradine dead at 72

David Carradine, best known for his leading role of Kwai Chang Caine on TV's "Kung Fu" in the 1970s, died Wednesday in Bangkok, where he was shooting a film, his manager confirmed Thursday. He was 72.

According to manager Chuck Binder, the movie's producer went to Carradine's hotel room and found that he had passed away. Binder told Fox News the death is "shocking and sad. He was full of life, always wanting to work ... a great person."

Other reports offer more details and more lacivious accounts that indicate that Carradine died from aphyxiation during a sex game gone wrong. Some truly insane reports make the claim that he was murdered by Ninjas trying to protect their martial arts secrets. (No, I'm not making that up.)

Married five times and divorced four, he is survived by his widow, Annie Bierman, whom he married in 2004.



(On a personal note... while Carradine was passing away, I was probably writing the entry for the Carradine-starring turkey "Future Force" for 150 Movies You Should Die Before You See, my forthcoming book. Coincidences are funny things.)

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Wayne Allwine dead at 62

Wayne Allwine, a Disney sound-effects technician who became the falsetto voice of Mickey Mouse in 1977, died Monday in Los Angeles at age 62 from complications related to diabetes.

In a statement, Disney CEO Robert Iger said, "Wayne dedicated his entire professional life to Disney, and over the last 32 years, gave so much joy, happiness and comfort to so many around the world by giving voice to our most beloved, iconic character, Mickey Mouse."

Allwine was the third person to provide Mickey's voice in films and TV shows -- the first, being Walt Disney himself, who did so from 1928 to 1947, when Jimmy McDonald, another Disney sound engineer took over.

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Guess the bad guy in 'Angels and Demons'!

Angels & Demons (2009)
Starring: Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor, Ayelet Zurer, Stellan Skarsgård, Armin Mueller-Stahl, and Nikolaj Lie Kaas
Director: Ron Howard
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

Harvard professor Robert Langdon (Hanks) races across Rome and against time to stop agents of the Illuminati from taking revenge on the Catholic Church for ancient wrongs, bringing to a head a secret war that has waged for 400 years. If Langdon fails to properly interpert clues hidden in the architecture and saturary of the Vatican and Rome's most famous sites within the space of one night, four Cardinals will be murdered and the Vatacin will be destroyed in a massive terroist attack.


"Angels & Demons" is a race-against-the-clock thriller (literally in every sense) that uses a heavily ficitonalized version of historical events and organzaitons as its backdrop, and the far-fetched sci-fi concept of an anti-matter bomb as a major plot device. It's well-filmed with an excellent musical score helping to move the action along. Every actor is excellent, with Ewan McGregor (as the only seemingly-openminded clergyman in the entire Vatican) and Stellan Skarsgaard (as the head of the Swiss Guard and a religious fanatic who seems to be obstruct Langdon's investiation at every turn) shining particularly brightly.

This is a thoroughly entertaining film with a cleverly constructed plot that gives viewers enough clues to play along and try to sort out the good guys from the bad guys as they story unfolds, but still keeps enough back so when the truth about the goals and desires of the film's main characters and villains start emerging it all fits together and it feels satisfying.

But only if one accepts that the film is complete and total fiction.

I'm no historian, but even I know that Copernicus died of natural causes and was not murdered by the Church (as is claimed in the movie, as one of several reasons for why the Illuminati has been secretly at war with the Church). I also know that the Illuminati was founded in 1776, by political philosphers with no interest in science, not by Gallileo as is claimed in this story. I'm no scientist but even I know that it is beyond our current scientific know-how to create (and let alone store) the amount of anti-matter featured in the film.

I've never read any of Dan Brown's books, but if this movie is accurate representation of the "facts" they contain, I don't understand what the fuss is. It looks to be trashy fiction that's translated into trashy movies. "Angels & Demons" is a fun romp, but it's nothing more than that."

The same is true of the claim that it's a screed against Catholics and that it promotes anti-Catholic bigotry. Having watched the filn now, I don't see where the American Catholic League is coming from with its boycott calls. They would have been far better off if they had just kept their mouths shut; Columbia Pictures would have had at least one less ticket sale on this opening day.

"Angels & Demons" no more promotes bigotry against Catholics than "Absolaute Power" promoted bigotry against political toadies. In fact, the only thing in this movie that seems to be an accurate portrayal of anything real is the fact that any institution made by man can be subverted and corrupted by man. There are evil Catholics in the film, and there are good Catholics in the film. (The only possible bigotry I see in it, is a bigotry against historical facts. But, since I know this is a work of fiction, that notion is as silly as the call for the film to be boycotted.)

So, should you see "Angels & Demons"? I found it to be a fast-paced, engaging thriller, but I wouldn't recommend you think too hard while watching it; if you do, you'll notice the historical and scientific nonsense that rests at its core. Basicallyl, this is the sort of B-movie trash that I spend most of my time reviewing, but it's features an A-list cast and a huge budget.

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